hope

i hope this time nobody see this post, i just want to share what i'm feeling, i dont allowed people know what inside my heart.............

now, everything changed, everyone changed, too much problem come and come and i must face that, and too much thing i must fix, its too hard for me because it come in the same time, when i'm really down like this, and all of that problem make my mental going down and down...... i miss the past, i miss my 'old' me, a lot of people said that i'm changed, yes, i agree with them, now i'm becoming a quite person, always keep what i'm feeling inside, and always crying because my uselessness...... dad, i miss the old you, a father who really care to me and everynight always come to my room and check i already sleep or not, not a dad who always blame and angry to me, and shout a deep words, i'm ghina dad, not my brother, we're different, dont look me from my score, but look at the way i am :'( mom, i dont want we always fight and fight like this, i love both of you, but your deep words really hurt me badly :'( now i really feel lonely, at night i always come to my brother room to sleep with him because i'm lonely.. i must study hard because my score drop really down......... i cannot consentrate and focus, i'm thinking about one person, a person i love..... like where is he? is he already study or not? is he can smile and laugh? is he already find another or not? is he happy with his condition now? i know i'm nothing, i just want to support him, the time which i can meet him is only like 3-4 month before he move.... afterthat, we cannot meet each other anymore. like you said before, yeah its hurt my self badly but i prefer hurt and i can see your smile, your happiness, i dont know what you feel about me, maybe you angry and annoyed with me but....... i accept that :') i really thanks to god i still can meet you, you still know what's new in me like my ponny haha small things but means big for me. i deactive my twitter because didnt want to see your timeline, but what? i still do that -.- stupid me, and when i read it, i smile, i think you've already find another, i dont know that tweet for who, but i hope you're happy and wish your target is good enough for you, so she didnt hurt you :') i really want to greet her and told to not hurt you. truthly, its hurt, i know someday i must 'ikhlas' its hard but i must try...... idk my fb account was error or not but did you blocked me? if its yes, its okay, no problem. its my first time to be like this, i always pray for you happiness, idk what happen next, what i can do is watching you from a far way, wish for your happiness and i'm purely want to help your score better. no one know what inside my heart until its unlock. time goes on, i cannot tell anyone, i already know what they will say if i tell them, now i'm alone, always keep alone and tears always falling down until my eyes was hurt -.- i just dont want to make all of my friends worried, i know they all have a lot of problem too, so i dont want to make more, i'm alone, now i'm really easy to sick, and really easy to crying, i dont want to angry to everyone, i just keep my anger inside my heart and then crying, i just dont want to make them hurt..... now i dont have power, i'm not a strong person, i'm tired, really really tired :( nobody know how deep is my hurt. i need someone to lean on, but who? i just can keep quite for all of my problem and at least, patient.........................................

letter to you

so now i know where my position in your heart, thanks for your kindness for didnt want to hurt me, i appreciate that, you're kind, really, i feel warm when i still with you, you're the best boyfriend i ever had, its the first time i feel i loved by someone, eventhough you more young than me you give me a deep memories in my hearts although only 2 month :') i know life must be go on, nothing can be forever, maybe i'm too much, but i really love you from my heart, i want to take care of you, i want to barrier you, i still want to be with you, but................................. its only my ego, i cant do anything, i dont want to treatened you, i must give you a freedom. fyi, when i write this, i'm crying haha... i want to show you that i'm strong but what? i'm crying again -,- i'll try my best to be stronger again, sorry for disturbing you for 2 month, i'll keep our memories warmly in my heart, i wont forget you, stupid me to hope we can be like before, i still love you, more and more but maybe its time for me to pass you away, to someone heart, maybe................ haha truthly, i'm always looking for your facebook profile and idk why i always felt jealous.... i always looking for you, waiting for you, but when i know your words 'i dont want to hurt her' serously, my hope flew away.............. i dont know where my hope goes by, thanks for everything and your kindness.. for last, i love you m.luqman budhi prasetya :') please, searching a good girl and improve your score for me too.... i only want to seeing you happy. idk what to do, because its my first time really in love with someone, not 'want to keep someone for us', maybe i must try my best to search another boy, but now i cant :'( only you in my mind, and i know you want to move to another school, it means we can be apart, cannot seeing each other, when first i know that, i really want to ask to you to dont move, remember your promise? but at least, no words can off from my mouth, its your choice, i'll miss you, take care kiddo, me love you.......:') ----> 111209 - 220210♥

song at the moment

Vanilla Twilight lyrics
The stars lean down to kiss you
And I lie awake and miss you
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere

'Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly
But I'll miss your arms around me
I'd send a postcard to you, dear
'Cause I wish you were here

I'll watch the night turn light-blue
But it's not the same without you
Because it takes two to whisper quietly

The silence isn't so bad
'Til I look at my hands and feel sad
'Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly

I'll find repose in new ways
Though I haven't slept in two days
'Cause cold nostalgia
Chills me to the bone

But drenched in vanilla twilight
I'll sit on the front porch all night
Waist-deep in thought because
When I think of you I don't feel so alone

I don't feel so alone, I don't feel so alone

As many times as I blink
I'll think of you tonight
I'll think of you tonight

When violet eyes get brighter
And heavy wings grow lighter
I'll taste the sky and feel alive again

And I'll forget the world that I knew
But I swear I won't forget you
Oh, if my voice could reach
Back through the past
I'd whisper in your ear
Oh darling, I wish you were here

curcol -,-

have you ever had an experience small things becoming big or maybe giant? or maybe small problem but the the time to solve that is too long? or hmmmmmmm you have a bad day and want to tell someone precious for you for sharing but the answer is didnt match with your feeling and after that you have an argument and the time to solve that problem eventhough both of them already appologize each other is too long? all i can do only crying, if i can wish to god, i want my tears was dry so i cant crying in front of you and i dont disturbing you. i didnt know your problem and i want to know, i want to help you, maybe i'm useless but i want to try my best to help you, in every aspect. sigh, i'm like zombie haha waiting for your message always waiting, didnt want to eat, asking your friends you already go home or not haha you can say i'm too much, but i only worried about you, all i can do now is waiting until your problem is solved and waiting for you to tell me what happended, idk what i can do for you, but if you need me, just ask, i'll be there for you. for last, i really miss you, i want to said this to you : do you miss me? haha stupid me to hope you will read this :p okay now i must go back to my f*cking karya tulis karena besok sidang jengjengjeng tegang banget sumpah, ini lebih susah dibanding keliatannya, wish me luck my little kiddo :) *i miss someone who always pinch my cheek hahahaha

new year wohooooo!

sumpah ini gue telat bgt ngupdate blog ini ahahaha maaf ya :p gue mau nyeritain new year gue nih hehehe :3 jadiiii gue iqbal nadya lalala kan mau ngerencanain bikin new year party kan, pertama tuh rencananya mau dirumah gue, terus ganti lagi kerumah iqbal eh gara2 adhi sama arga gabisa mau diganti lg ke rumah arga adoh rebek bener ye hahaha finally jadinya semua dirumahnya iqbal, nah laluuuuu kan kita disuruh bawa makanan dll gue bikin pudding coctail hehe :D terus iqbal bikin spagetti ala emaknya haha jadi plannya gini, iqbal siang2 ke pim jemput luqman aji sama nalend (tiba2 jundi gajadi ikut) terusterus baiq sama gisel kerumah gue terus kita cao bareng kerumah iqbal, lulu kerumah nadya jadi mereka bareng kerumah iqbalnya terus arga sama adhi gajadi ikutttt, sumpah maaf bgt ya kalian akhirnya malah gajadi ikut! >.< udah kan siang2nya gue beli bahan2 di giant bintaro eh tiba2 ketemu iqbal! hahaha padahal kita sama2 blgnya mau belanja di carefour :p terus udah kan plg masak puding trs baiq dateng tinggal nunggu gisel, yang bikin gua panik apaaaaaaaaaa! tiba2 iqbal sms, GHIN LUQMAN NYA MANA? DIA GABISA DIHUBUNGIN SEMUA UDAH PADA NGUMPUL NIH DI PIM! gue siyok O.O apa mungkin luqman gadateng jegerjegerjeger padahal gue udah nanti2 bgt new year brg dia, sumpah jujur2an ajanih gue gapernah new year ngerayain bareng temen/pacar mangkanya gue excited bgtttttt, terus gue udah panik kan, gue telfon luqman gadiangkat juga, trs baiq blg ghin telfon pake hp gue DIANGKAT! tapi langsung mati lg -___- terus iqbal tlfn lagi, gimana nih ghin? udah jam segini gue udah pasrah kan..... gue blg yaudah deh bam lo plg aja sama yg lain mungkin luqman gajadi ikut...... terus udah kan gue disuruh mandi sama baiq trs selese mandi gue disms luqman dia minta maaf gajadi dateng bonyoknya ngga ngebolehin gitu :'( huweeee langsung nangis gua haha udah kan baiq nenangin gue terus gisel dateng rebek bener deh tuh nungguin gue nangis haha gisel nyuruh dandan ngeritingin rambut dll gue blg ngapain dandan sama keritingin rambut.... luqmannya gada :'( udaaah sini gue keritingin rambut lo. terus gue telfon iqbal blg luqman gadateng sambil nangis2 huuuu satu hal yang gue bingung iqbal pertama pas nelfon blg dia lagi bareng nalend eh pas telfon ke2 dia blg gue nyari nalend dulu ya ghin? terus kan udah nungguin bokap gue plg, terus cabut ke rumah iqbal, udah kan masuk tuh kekamarnya, anak2 udah pada ngumpul, gue mandeeek aja dipojokan haha disuruh selimutan sama anak2 dikarenakan 'sesuatu' wkwkwk :p terus nalend nanya : luqmannya mana ghin? gue blg auk ah, gadateng kali TIBA TIBA JENGJENGJENGJENG ADA LUQMAN DEPAN MATA GUA O.O sumpah demi apa sumpah demi apaaaaaaaaaaa anjir malu abis gue udah nangis2 gt anak2 pada ketawa semua sumpah maluuuu!!!! muka gue merah abis hahaha katanya ini ide iqbal sama nadya gilegile gokil parah hahahaha mana katanya kan mereka kumpul dulu dirumah nadya nah luqman tuh disana dieeeeeeeem terus takut gue beneran marah sama dia hahaha lucu bgt sih kamu yang :p udah kan gue ke luqman he he he :D biasa, pacaran wakakak anak2 udah pada biasa liat gue pacaran haha terus udah kan kita ol ketawa2 foto2 gitu lah, pas udah mendekati jam 12 kita main kembang api&petasan beeh cowo gue anak kecil nya keluar hahahaha girang bgt dia main petasankekumpul duit 300rb apa kalo gasalah nah itu dapet petasan kembang api banyak abiss, anak2 cowo seneng abis mainnya hahaha yang paling so sweet ini menurut gue he he he kan udah jam 12 tuh terus pada blg happy new year happy new year gt terus luqman nyamperin gue blg happy new year ya sayang semoga taun depan bisa kayak gini lagi hehe sambil meluk gue terus nyium gue hehe baiq nadya langsung nangissss keinget cowo dan mantan mereka uuu sedih :< terus abis capek main petasan kembang api kita makan spagetti dan pudding hahaha gue nyiapin coctail nya kan eeeeeeeh tangan gue berdarah kena kalengnya T.T sakit bgt huhu mana gue teriak2 gara2 kucingnya iqbal lg haha terus ditawarin jagung sama sosis bakar dari tetangga depan hehe terussss iqbal blg eh ada motor 2 nih nganggur muter2 yuk! nadya nalend iqbal aji ganti2an muter2 naik motor sedangkan gue berduaan boncengan sama luqman HAHA :p seneng bgt sumpah, terus kan udah muter2 mereka mau kerumah dina hadilana coba -_- errrr haha terus udah kan beli minuman dll di dian mart ah sumpah seru abis gaberenti2 ketawa terus, yang cowo2 pada nginep semua di rumah iqbal, tapi gue udah ditelfon bokap disuruh plg jam 2 :( terus akhirnya udah kan plg, kata iqbal, aji tidur sama luqman, kak razhka sama nalend, terus ya kita merencakan pagi2nya mau berenang dll tapi akhirnya tepar semua haha akhirnya cuma ke mesjid solat jumat terus ke mcd tapiiii sumpah ya ini the best new year i ever had!!!!! and one more thing, i loveyou so much luqman xoxo♥♥

and this is the picture :D

AND SORRY FOR LATE BUT HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL WISH 2010 GIVE US THE BEST! :D

my 111209♥

i have a new boyfriend!!!!!! namanya m.luqman b prasetya! meski umurnya beda setaun 15 hari sama aku, its okaaaaaay :3 ehe he he pasti pada ga nyangka gue jadian sama dia, secara adek kelas, gada angin gada apa tiba2 deket terus kita baru kenal seminggu - 2 minggu hahaha truthly gue udah merhatiin dia udah lama bgt cuma sekedar suka aja jadi begini lah ceritanya :

hari kamis 2 minggu laluuu kan gue mau moving class ke agama tuh nah ternyata itu lg kelasnya dia kan gue disuruh sama temen gue ngeliat gurunya siapa gitu kan pintu nya kebuka gituuu, gurunya ga keliatan eh malah keliatan luqmannya, aku ngeliatin dia kan hehehe ganteng, ga nyangka dia ngeliatin aku jg, terus terus udah kan tuh kls anak2 nya keluar, trs pas dia lewat sebelah aku aku sama dia liat2an terussssss aku ngmng sendiri kan eh ganteng deh yg tadi namanya siapa sih? haha terus temen2 aku pada blg yang pake kacamata ya ghin? td dia ngeliatin lo juga lho, terus ada temen gue namanya Andhira dan Reiva, yang ngomong oh? yg itu ghin? itu namana Luqman kls 10d adeknya pacarnya Febby terus gue oooh hahaha udah kan gue ngobrol gt sama temen2 gue eeeeeeeeh tiba2 Andhira sama Reiva manggil dan pas gue nengok gue shock Luqman ada dikelas gue! parahparahparah malu bgt muka gue merah gaberani ngadep belakang lg! aaaaaaaaaa trstrs kan gue pelajaran agama tuh nama gurunya bu diah nah kebetulan ini bu diah itu wali kelasnya luqman nah mulai lah Ocho dan Andhira memulai aksinya -_- ocho : bu bu, ibu wali kls 10d kan ya bu? bu diah : iyaa emgnya kenapa? andhira : ada yang mau nitip salam nih buuuuuuu bu diah : ohya? siapaaaa? hehe andhira + ocho : GHINA BUUUUUUUUU (wanjrit gue malu bgt) bu diah : waaah ghina mau nitip salam sama siapa? Andhira + Ocho : LUQMAN BUUUUUUUUUUU bu diah : waaah ghin jgn sama dia ghin, udah byk bgt yg nitip salam sama dia, pada blg gini ke ibu, bu bu luqmannya plg sekolah jgn kemana2 ya buuu jagain ya bu gue : -________- dan ternyata emg bener loh baik angkatan gue dan angkatan dia tuh byk bgt yg blg dia ganteng dan suka sama dia hem

pulang sekolaah gue ke sigit beli makanan kaan gasengaja ketemu icha sama ressie terus gue iseng2 nanya ke icha : cha kamu kls 10 apa? icha : kelas 10d kak hehehe gue (nanya ke nadya) : nad nad tanya ga nih nad? icha : pasti kakak mau cerita ttg L deh (sambil tangannya bikin huruf L) gue : AAAAH KOK KAMU TAU? icha : iya kaaak td dia cerita gt sama aku hehehe :D gue : demi apa demi apa? dia cerita gmn cha? icha: iyaaa kak, kakak jgn blg2 tapi ya dia sebenernya udah ngefans sama kakak dari lamaa tp dia lg bingung sekarang kakk dia lg deket sama anak alpus1 juga nah dia bingung mau deketin kakak apa dia -____-

laluu saya ke sol kembali berkumpul dengan yang lain nah disitu gue diajak beli leker sama Aji Andhira dan Emil yaudaaah eh eh tiba2 ditengah jalan kita mendapati Luqman sedang bersama seorang cewe dan yg bikin gue syok ternyata itu sodara gue!!!! omg hahahaha yaudah kan gue nyapa ngobrol2 sama sodara gue dan gue bener2 kaget tau dia lg deket sama luqman yaudah gue berniat mau mundur karna tidak mau slek sama sodaraku tersayaaaang eh tapi entah mengapa malah dia yg mundur huhu

laluuu pada malam harinya gue sedang membaca komik dan mendapati bb gue menyala dgn notification baru fb gue dan gue bener2 kaget pas liat luqman prasetya ngirim message gitu O.o dia blg hey kak haha ternyata dia udh ngeadd fb gue dari lama tapi ga gue confirm karna kemalasan gue membuka friend request hahahaha yaudah akhirnya kita ngobrol2 dan tiba2 saya tidak tahu darimana dia mendapatkan msn saya terussss kita chat nah tiba2 dia nyuruh gue minta nomer dia terus sms dia malem2 supaya jadi org pertama yg sms dia ngucapin happy birthday yaudaah akhirnya gue sms kan nah mulai deh tuh sms2 terus pulang sekolah kita ketemuan terusssss ngobrol2 bareng mulai di belakang mesjid sol lantai 6 meja piket kantin dll hahahah

terus ya kan kita lg UAS nih sekarang terus dia kemaren cuma 1 pelajaran gituuu dia nungguin gue plg gitu soalnya gue 2 pelajaran udah kan ketemu gtgt terus temen2 gue pad mau keratplaz dia nyuruh gue masuk tp gue gaenak kan masa dia udh nungguin gue gue tinggal alhasillll dia diculik sama gue dan teman2 dan you must know itu jazz isi 9 orang -__- hahahah parbeudh itu pangku2an, anak2 pertama nyuruh gue dipangku luqman tp malu woy!!!!! alhasil gue di pangku oneng meskipun dengan triak2an wkwkwkw luqmannya diem muluuuu dia blg gaenak adek kls sendiri haha pertama ke ps kan anak2 cowo pada solat jumat gituuu nah gue nadya oneng di mobil eh gue ketiduran haha terus mulai dari situ gue dipangku luqmannnnn gue tidur di pundak dia hehe :p dia nyubitin pipi gue mulu sampe merah, dasar anak iseeeeng haha terus udah kan ke raplaz, di ratplaz muter2 benerin konmputer nyari silikon bb main ps 3 dll nah disini gue kesel mbak2 dvd gitu ngeliatin luqman dgn tatapan mesum arrrrrrrgh -______- kadang2 kalo lg jalan luqman ngerangkul gue atau megang kepala gue terus disenderin di bahu dia :p terus udah kan kita mau cao ke fx tapi KITA GABOLEH MASUKKKK ih ngeselin bangettt padahal udah ganti baju dll parah deh parah hahaha mana si Lia kbergonya ilang lagi terus dia ditransbin turun trs minjem bergo nyamperin kita ke fx gitu hahaha alhasil udah kan kita ke sency makan dll gituuu oia sepanjang perjalanan gue dan luqman di cie2in dikerjain terus -_- terusterus udah sore kan tuuuuh kita mau balik deh ke alpus, gue pokoknya di jalan tuh tidur terus dibahu nya luqman (yah dikarenakan sindrom gue dari kecil gakuat 5 menit dimobil abis itu pasti tidur hehe) nah pas udh mau deket lampu merah luqman tiba2 bisikin gue gitu 'eh ghin mau jadi cewe gue ngga?' gue diem natep dia dia blg lagi : jawab sekarang! gue seneng bgt, gue bilang iya sambil meluk dia gitu (dalem posisi pangkuan coba parah ye haha) terus2 luqman nyium pipi gue :3 terus gue manggil nadya : naddddddd nadya : apa? gue : gue jadian lho! nadya : oh hehe HAAAAAAAAH? ANAK2 SHOCK SEMUA HAHAHA perjalanan ke alpus jd heboh bgt mereka triak2 seneng gt gue yg jadian mereka yg seneng ya hahaahah terus lagi sepi gitu kann hahaha gue sama luqman lg ngobrol dengan polosnya luqman ngmng gini : ah dasar lo anak kecil EH KAMU ahahaha anak2 tambah hebooooooh pada ketawa2 lucu gemes gitu hihihi seneng banget!!!!!muhammad luqman budhi prasetya iloveyousomuch ♥
(mmm foto yg terakhir byk bgt aib nya haha -_-)

Birthday Blast!

♥ 15 November 2009 ♥

SURPRISE PARTYYYYY! wawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww i really really thanks to God who give me a birthday like this, thankyou soooo much all of my FRIENDS! ♥ ♥ ♥ maybe for other people its only like 'oh' but for me its 'OH' hahaha LOL :p now i wanna tell you us besties who gimme this precious birthday :
Yania, Baiq, Anggi, Gisela, Bidary, Sesha, Utha, Rana Adel & Dimas
and then
Iqbal, Nadya, Arisa, Dewi, Nurul, Razhka, Vika, Emil, Rima, Jundi, Dina atharia, Arga, Ola, & Zara
and last but not least my ILP friends!
Chiki, Ericko, Hilda, Vado, Gery

and here's the photo :
story about the above photo :
jadi gue diajak keluar sama nyokap gue ke btc beli kue2 dan tumben2nya nyokap gue ngajak ngeliat2 baju dll buat belanja, sebenernya dari malem sebelumnya gue udah curiga soalnya anggi nanya nomer nyokap gue dan pas nyampe rumah gue melihat ada mobil misterius di depan rumah tp gue gatau itu mobil siapa nah pas gue masuk rumah tambah heranlah gue melihat bokap gue pake baju pergi padahal biasanya kaos celana pendek doang nah pas gue buka pintu kamar gue tararara keluarlah para kurcaci2 bawa kue anjrit kaget gue hahaha soalnya gue kira dikerjain jam 12 -,- terus mata gue ditutup dan pas diluar rumah....... shit gue diceplokin hahaha bersama tepung air kopi dan telor saya bermandikan diluar rumah ckckck mana si gisel sama yania gamau dikanin lg cuh curang kaliannnnnnnn :p tapi tak papa deh hehehe terus akhirnya sesha rana dimas adel datang dan kita ke mcd sekbil bersama sama haha disana ada echay dan ipung juga :)


story about the above photos :
jadi gue kan sinematografi dulu, ngomongin buat bikin film buat festifal film besok nah gue kira yg lain pada bimbel, gue kan biasanya balik sama Iqbal sama Nadya nah Iqbal dateng ke ruang kimia tempat kumpul sinematografi trs dia tiba2 blg "Ghina gue plg duluan yaaaaa dadahhh" langsung ngacir gitu aja, gue panik kan kalo gada mereka gue balik gmnnn!!! terus gue langsung izin balik duluan trs nyusul ditengah jalan ketemu Rima sama Emil terus mereka ngajak gue ke kantin nyuruh duduk gue udh panik kan mana gue telfonin ga diangkat2 -___- terus Rima ngmng yg dalem2 gitu a a a a a terus tiba2 dari belakang pada bawa 21 cupcakes aaaaa so cute bgt serius deh dan tiba2 muka gue dicemongin dan rambut gue dan seragam gue jg korban hoalah -_- terus akhirnya gara2 Rima semuanya pada lari2an kejar2an nyemongin muka anak2 ahahaha seru bgt terus ujan niat gue yg mau traktir semua nya batal deh tp gue seneng bgttt bener2 ganyangka :3


story about the above photos :
ahahaha gue udh panik pas Ericko ngmng mau bawa kue buat nyemongin gue atau tepung atau telor buat ceplokin gue di bbm tapi syukurnya ngga hihihi untungnya pas cko ngmng ke vado vado ga denger hahaha :D di sini akhirnya beli papa ronz aja sama pocari sweat buat di kelas akhirnya pizza party deh hehehe ini the best kelas bgt gue sayang bgt sama nih kelassss : Gue, Chiki, Hilda, Ericko< Vado & Gery (Y) + + Mr. Juna :p (Y)(Y)

so its my story about my birthday this years, i cant wait for my next birthday its sweet seventeen! haha annnnnnd i receive a present from Baiq is DVD Super Junior Super Show!!! omg she's really know me! love you my hushband! and then a big teddy bear from my child, Rana, and then a pillow from Sesha and gantungan kunci keroro!!!! from Yanchan ooooh its really cute! and a bracelette from Malik and mmm i forget ahahaha sorry :p and at last! i cant wait for Baiq's birthday! its my chance to take a revenge!!!!!!!!!! siap2 aje lu iq hahaha see you in me next post, byeeeeeeeeeeeeee xoxo :3